In the rain
by fefa-chan
Summary: A few unexpected words and feelings for so long supressed, suddenly have to be confronted. All this in one rainy afternoon. E+T


Disclamer:CCS belongs to CLAMP

**In The Rain**

There's something about this days, when the rain falls heavy from the sky above us and when the world seems to be covered in gray that makes me want to go out.

That makes me want to walk around and don't go anywhere.

Just like now.

These days seem to arise something more truthful in every being. The loneliness. But I like this days, they always make me think of you.

Make me remember all the loneliness that we shared, all the wonderful moments of silence we had with each other. Although I never said anything, I believe you knew it all. But I didn't. I could not see behind your eyes and through the words you did not say to me. Maybe that's why it surprised me so when you finally said them.

There's something about what you said to me that won't leave me. That will keep your words echoing on my mind, over and over. Nonstop.

And I can't help but wonder why.

Why you said them.

Why I could not answer.

It was early morning than. School was empty, except for you and me. I was standing on the window, observing the rain falling calmly from the gray sky, there was a soft and slight cold breeze caressing my skin, lifting the hair on my neck, and my leaving cheeks a bit flushed.

The delicious smell of the wet earth filled the air. You were sitting on your desk, reading a book, some English poetry perhaps; you seem to be reading a lot of poetry lately. I always see you with a book on our early morning moments of loneliness. We rarely spoke and most of the time all that could be heard was the rain falling outside.

I felt your eyes on me and turned to face you, but you seemed to be gazing outside.

"_Rainy days are beautiful, don't you think Eriol?"_

You left your desk and came towards me facing the window, as I did.

"_Indeed…"_

Your voice sounded hesitating, which had never happened before. I tried to guess what you were thinking when you turned to me, but failed.

"_They are beautiful, and sad. As you are, Tomoyo."_

You touched my cheek, caressing it so softly it was scary. You felt so warm, so loving

I couldn't help but blush. I could not suppress the surprise that was shown on my amethyst eyes as I encountered your blue ones.

They were always so gentle and truthful.

You words seemed to arise something I had so carefully suppressed and hid from myself.

And they won't leave my mind, they're the only thing I think about since then.

It has been two days, forty eight hours, 2880 minutes, 172800 seconds with them echoing in my mind.

There's something inside myself that I don't truly understand. That I can't control, and, in some way or another, always bring me to you.

Maybe everybody has that. I believe that's what they call subconscious. I can't really tell, and certainly can't understand.

But how it's called it doesn't matter, it exists, within me, controlling my feet, and my steps and once more brought me to you.

Some people say that at one point of our lives we will have to confront our beliefs. That no matter how convinced of something you are, someday you'll have to prove it to yourself.

You might be right. Then it's easy.

But you might be wrong. You have two choices then: you can still believe it, that is, lie to yourself. Pretend that it had never happened, just move on. Or you can confront it and accept reality.

All my life I've been told that love was many things. I've been told it was like a shelter, that it was like magic, that it was like music playing in your head and that when I finally encountered it, I would know because I would finally feel complete. I got to believe love was this magical feeling that would finally make things right and perfect.

And I have to confront it now.

As I wandered on the streets, I found you.

You were standing in the rain.

It was frightening, you didn't have an umbrella, and you were soaked and looking as confused as I was.

I did not feel pure happiness, I didn't feel like now everything made sense. My heart was not filled with joy and reassurance.

Still, I could not deny it. That moment, the curtains of my childhood naivety fell right in front of my eyes and I had to face that the confusion, the weird sensation in my stomach, the blush, and that eagerness to run to you and from you at the same time, all that was indeed the so idealized feeling of love.

I was shocked with my own discovery. My illusions were falling one by one, crashing against the floor, turning into pieces. But instead of making things clear, really making it all more confused. I was lost in my own thoughts.

Until I saw you walking towards me.

Your every step making my heart beat faster.

I was so used to being around you and suddenly your closeness was making me feel nervous.

One thing is for sure, it is impossible for your heart to escape by your mouth, for if it was possible it would've happened the very second your lips touched mine.

I can't say I was totally surprised, in some part of my mind I knew it was going to happen. But anticipation didn't keep my legs from turning numb or my stomach from swirling like that.

So I can't really say it was perfect.

But the feeling of you so close to me, of your hand caressing my face, of your wet hair on my hand. And your lips against mine, even if brushing so softly.

Pure bliss.

For a few seconds I was somewhere else, I don't know. But as soon as I came back confusion took over again.

Confusion and fear. Fear of what your eyes would say when I looked in them again.

There's something about your eyes, and the way I see myself in them, that scares me more than anything else.

I think it's because when I look deep into them, I can see myself as you do.

I see beauty.

And I comprehend it's beauty beyond the superficiality of the skin. It's a true beauty only love can see.

I see you want to make me happy.

And the scariest part is that, when I see all this, I want you to make me happy too, I feel like you could. And no one else would.

Sometimes I do not dare to believe it, I feel like any minute I'm going to wake up, I'll loose the ground under my feet. And I'll hurt badly from the fall.

But than I look into your eyes, and see the silent question in them.

It might be scary sometimes, but I know we're in this together. And you need answers as much as I do...

_Hai, I love you Eriol-kun._

Thanks to Zansetsu for all the help.

**Please Review**


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